static electricity

there is something strange in the air; everything is a bit off these recent days.

years and years ago i had a serious boyfriend with whom i would share everything. it could be a perfectly ordinary day when all was well and good, in order, as planned. we would be content and satisfied and cool and full-bellied and calmed. and then, for no real reason whatsoever, i would feel it- the subterranean pit in my stomach, that deep-sick feeling, gnarling and reaching up for my throat. a sense of some thing off kilter; a throbbing heart and the nausea of a steadily creeping, impending doom. make it stop, i would plead him pitifully, curling into the fetal position and biting my bottom lip, make it stop.

in hindsight, i realize these moments may have made him feel so helpless and probably very confused, unable to empathize. at least now, as this peculiarly re-surfaces (and despite its unsettling nature), i can rest assured that i am not vexing any bystander with these panicked episodes of [nonsensical] clairvoyance. a blessing, and a curse.