i am devastated that i will miss halloween in the states this year. i had grand plans indeed; it was a toss-up up between being tina turner or angus young of AC/DC. either would have been fab. it's so strange/awesome how we use the term, "I´m going to be...", as if we aren't just pretending. last year i was nigel tufnel of spinal tap. oh the righteous mullet, skeleton tee, low IQ, walking around all night saying "but this one goes to eleven"...halloween should really come at the end of every month, for serious.

i'm pretty much destroyed all around for missing fall in new england. summer is swell and all, but the month of october pretty much makes life worth living, especially when followed by seven cruel months of frigid temperatures. granted, i will be enjoying those months in a country that never sees snow, but i'd give my left tit for a steaming pile of pumpkin pancakes, a mug of fresh apple cider, and a glimpse of that beauteous foliage. and ohh shipyard pumpkinhead ale, come to mama. gagaga. for me, no season smells or feels better than autumn. perhaps it's just my fixation on nostalgia, but i can't help that i want to pick apples, roll around in piles of leaves, and stuff my face with candy corn. i love you brach's. i miss you. i need you. let us never be apart again.

it is possible that i may have predicted europe to feel more my speed (whatever the hell that means) because both of my parents were immigrants. i had always felt significantly ostracized from the norm of suburban living, whether it was the other children laughing at my nutella sandwiches or my pre-pubescent italian femme-stache or the fact that my mother forced me to give the bus driver a giant, garishly wrapped panettone every christmas, i was no suzie-high-school. but i had not anticipated for europe to make me feel so god damn american. perhaps i'm just home sick, but whereas in the states i would likely shun everything 'merican, i now find myself glorifying it. our waitress tonight told us of how she was moving to new york in a couple of weeks. ooo how great! was my response, and my face lit up at the thought of the city, the electricity, the filthiness, the crudeness. she snarled and proceeded to explain how unenthused she was to leave europe for the ughUnitedStatesugh, because really there's no comparison, gesticulating with her palms up a scale of incomparability. and then i felt stupid. and then i felt angry. and then i was consumed with the urge to curl up in an american flag snuggie and cheer myself up with disney's hocus pocus. hmph.